


in front of your house

by sungwoontrash



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Boyfriends, Break Up, Broken Promises, Celebrity Crush, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 02:51:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16589420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sungwoontrash/pseuds/sungwoontrash
Summary: sungwoon got himself a celebrity boyfriend. but instead of having his dream-like relationship, all it did was break him apart.





	1. first encounter

**Author's Note:**

> i always had fun writing angst fics, but this prompt was too hard for me although it can easily portray pain : ( so maybe this is not too painful, but i still do hope i wrote the fic effectively and you could feel the pain atleast lol

SUNGWOON.

 

i.

 

first encounter.

 

_We met in the café where I was working, right in front of my house._

 

“You’re always early, Sungwoon. Good job,” Our manager compliments me when he noticed that I am already standing in the counter.

Jaehwan rolls his eyes at our manager, “Really, hyung? He’s literally living ten steps away from our café. Of course, he would definitely be early.”

 

“Shut up, Jaehwan. Maybe if you would put extra effort in doing this job, maybe you could arrive at work earlier than him.” Jisung said.

 

Jaehwan hissed at what our manager had said to him. I giggled, knowing that it will be too hard for him to wake up early, not because he is too lazy but because he got night classes everyday.

 

“Hyung—do not be too hard to him. Jaehwan’s pretty productive here, anyway.” I defended him. I caught Jaehwan’s wink at me, while Jisung coughed, as if he didn’t believe what I just said.

 

Jaehwan is about to complain but he got immediately interrupted by Jisung, “Fine, forget about Jaehwan. Let’s get to work, guys.”

 

I just laughed at Jaehwan’s reaction and immediately went to work once I saw the customers enter the café one by one. It’s already time for most of the people to go to work, and they stop by at the café to get themselves some coffee.

 

“Good morning, sir. Can I get your order?” I ask the customer who’s standing in front of me with cap and mask on his face.

“We’ll return as soon as possible. Please don’t get yourself in trouble,” The man beside reminded him. The tall man nodded at him without saying any words, “Daniel, I’m talking to you.”

 

The eyes of the man smiles, “Yes, hyung. I’m not a kid, you know.”

 

I looked at them, as I wait when are they gonna order their drinks. The man tapped the shoulders of the tall man before he turned around and left the café.

 

“What’s the order?” Jaehwan approached me.

 

I shrugged my shoulders, “None yet.”

 

“Uhm—“ 

 

I looked up at the tall man in front of me, “Yes, sir? Can I finally take your order?”

 

He nodded at me and glanced towards the menu, “Yes, uhm—can I have some...” He hesitates as he looks down to me and back towards the menu, “I’m sorry, I’m not really into coffee.”

 

“Would you like me to recommend some of our caffeine-free drinks, sir?” I ask.

 

I can literally see the way his eyes smile, “Yes, please.”

 

“We have some frappes, Salted Caramel and White Chocolate Strawberry are the best sellers. We also have some Iced Drinks like Lemon Kiwi, Lemon Strawberry and Lemon Cola. We also have smoothies in Mango, Vanilla and Dragon fruit flavor.” I look up to him, and he seems like he was more than frustrated on what he should order. I giggle, “What would you like to order?”

 

“How about you?” He looks at me, “What do you like the most in the menu?”

 

“I prefer Iced Americano with three shots.” 

 

He raises his eyebrows at me. I can hear Jaehwan’s little giggle on the side and I tried my best to not let out any laugh, but he looks frustrated at me for recommending a coffee when he’s obviously not into them.

 

“I’ll just take the Lemon Strawberry, I guess?” He finally decided. 

 

I nodded and put his order, “That would be $7, sir.” He hands me his card and I return it to him afterwards, “May I have your name please?”

 

He scratches his head, “Uh—Daniel.”

 

“One Lemon Strawberry for Daniel,” I said to Jaehwan.

 

“Woah, he got the same name of the famous solo performer in Korea huh?” Jaehwan exclaimed, “Do you even know him?”

 

I rolled my eyes, even when we’re not facing each other, “Of course. What do you think of me, some sort of a cave man?”

 

“Yeah,” I immediately turn to him and throw a crumpled paper, “Look at the Staff of the Month, littering inside the workplace. I never thought Jisung hyung never saw you like that.” I rolled my eyes at him before I return to my work. “Anyways, I heard that Daniel’s gonna have his comeback soon?”

 

I shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t have any idea. We haven’t talk that much lately.”

 

“Really? Maybe you should give him some call, he is probably tired from all his promotions.” Jaehwan giggles and so do I before he hands me the finished drink, “You both probably should hang out when he got some free time.” I laughed at him and moved towards the counter.

 

“One Lemon Strawberry for Dan—,” I called and I was shocked when he was already standing beside the claiming area.

 

“Are you friends with Kang Daniel?” He asks.

 

I looked at him with confused eyes and shook my head, “Uhm— no, sir.”

 

“Then what are you talking about earlier with your co-worker, not being able to talk to him lately some kind of stuff?” He points at Jaehwan with his lips.

 

I smiled, “Oh, it’s just sort of like a joke. We often talk like that about celebrities. You know, acting like were friends with them. Something like that.”

 

His eyes smile again, and now it’s directly at me. He reaches out to put his hands in front of me, “Daniel, I’m pretty sure you know my name already. And you are?”

 

“Sungwoon?” I confusedly answers and shakes his hands.

 

“Now, looks like you’ve got yourself a celebrity friend?” He said and picked up his drink before he stormed out from the cafe.

 

Jisung bows his head at me multiple times now, and I am panicking on how should I stop him, “I’m really sorry, Sungwoon-ah. Jaehwan told me he doesn’t have any classes for today so I let Woojin go home early. But he suddenly got an emergency meeting with his groupmates.” 

 

I shake my hands in front of him, “No, it’s really okay hyung. I am already finish with my studies so I don’t really have any urgent matters to do tonight.”

 

“You’re really an angel sent by the heavens. Don’t worry, I promise to make it up to you..” Jisung said and pinched my hands.

 

“No worries, hyung.” I smiled before waving him a goodbye as he leave the cafe.

It’s already past midnight, the only customers left are the ones who are still busy with work loads: while some are students who are busy with their thesis. I decided to go to the stock room to get some ingredients while there’s still no new customers. My hands were full of packs of sugar, cartons of milk and whipped cream. I was walking towards the working station when I get startled by the sudden ring of the bell on the counter.

 

All the ingredients had slipped right through my hands and I watched it fell down to the floor. Good thing all of it were sealed, or else I’m gonna clean up all the mess alone.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to shock you.” A man said over the counter.

 

“No, it’s alright sir. Let me just pick this up before I take your order,” I politely answered even though anger is raging on my chest. I picked up all the ingredients and put them properly on their respective places.

 

“I’m really sorry about that,” I looked up to him once I approached the counter. I was shocked but I knew the voice was kind of familiar.

 

“It’s fine, sir. Can I take your order?”

 

He puts his fingers beside his lips, as if he is trying to think properly what to order, “I’ll get the Salted Caramel frappe and a cheesecake.”

 

“Is that all sir?” 

 

“Oh, please add one Iced Americano with three shots.” I immediately glanced at him to see if he was serious about his order, “That would be all, I guess.”

 

Since I was the only staff, I was also the one who made his order. I can literally feel my eye lids slowly closing, for I never really stayed up late like this before. I was usually on a day shift, and Jaehwan’s supposed to take the shift of Woojin but damn that emergency group meetings. I scoffed, because I got no control about it anyway, neither Jaehwan. So instead, I promised to make myself a cup of coffee after finishing his order.

 

“One Salted Caramel Frappe, one Cheesecake and one Iced Americano for Daniel,” I called out.

 

He walks over the counter and removes the Iced Americano from the tray, “This is for you, I ordered it to keep you awake until the end of your shift.”

 

“I’m really sorry to disappoint you. We are not allowed to take any offers from customers, sir.” I declined and pushed back the cup towards the tray.

 

He scrunched his eyebrows together, “But I’m not giving you that as a customer?” I gave him a what look, “We’re friends, remember?”

 

He removes his mask and smiles at me. They are sudden butterflies flying inside my stomach. My knees starts to feel weak. Even my hands are trembling even when they are resting on top of the counter.

 

I don’t know what got me. But I am certain, it’s not because of his smile. Or even the coffee, the one I need to keep me awake. But because he’s Kang Daniel, the famous solo artist of South Korea.

 

And he’s obviously hitting on me. This is not an illusion.


	2. first boyfriend

SUNGWOON.

 

ii. 

 

first boyfriend.

 

_You asked me that night, to be your boyfriend, in front of my house._

 

“Is it just me or that Daniel hangs out here quite often these past few days?” Jaehwan asked. We were having our break time while Jisung took over the counter for us. Jaehwan and Woojin looked up to me at the same time.

 

“What?” I tried to hide my terrified face by munching on my chicken sandwich.

 

“You’re quite close to him, hyung. Especially since you’re the cashier, you always got to talk to him.” Woojin muttered.

 

I shrugged my shoulders, “Well, he did said that he likes to hang out here.”

 

“Why so?”

 

I gave Jaehwan a what look, “I don’t know. Do I even have to ask?”

 

Woojin laughed hysterically and slaps Jaehwan’s shoulders, “Of course, hyung. It’s about our coffee, what else would be the reason?”

 

Jaehwan raised his eyebrows at me, “I don’t know. Maybe Sungwoon hyung?”

 

I flinched, “Why me?”

 

I can literally see how Jaehwan’s eyes roll at me, “Because it’s obvious that he likes you.”

 

Woojin almost puked out the water he just drank. I gave him the tissues left over from my chicken sandwich, “He likes who?”

 

Jaehwan pointed at me.

 

I shake my hands to him, “Definitely not.”

 

Thank God, Woojin let it go after staring at me for whole five seconds. But this walking radio, Jaehwan, has not let it go of the topic yet.

 

“C’mon Jjaeni, stop pushing it.”

 

“I’m not,”He shrugged.

 

I crossed my fingers behind me, hoping he would finally let it go. I know I said that I felt he was hitting on me, but wouldn’t be it awkward if he knew that I was assuming it? I messed my hair out of frustration before going back to work.

 

It’s been 8 hours and I finally finish my shift. I am grateful Daniel’s nowhere to be seen today, or else, Jaehwan’s gonna talk about it the whole day.

 

“Good job, guys. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jisung bid us goodbye. We all said yes in unison before going to the back door. “Oh right, Sungwoon.”

 

I looked back, “Someone’s waiting for you outside the café. I think he’s been there half an hour already.”

 

“But I’m not expecting anyone though?” I replied in hesitation but still went to change quickly. “I wonder who it was?” 

 

“I bet it is Daniel.” Jaehwan said while he was fixing his things on his locker.

 

“Can you please stop pushing that thing on me?” I hissed but he shrugged.

 

“You know I won’t because I’m always right, hyung.”

 

We all went to bid another goodbye to our manager before leaving the café. I saw a tall man leaning on the wall across the entrance of the café. For a moment, I hesitate to go outside and go home.

 

“Hyung, what are you still waiting for?” Woojin nudged me first on the shoulders before pulling me. I am trying my best to put my whole weight against Woojin, but this damn kid was so strong, he got to pull me straight out of the café. 

 

“Hi,” He said the moment we step outside the café. I don’t know why I want to be swallowed by the ground at this moment. Yes, I admit I fuckin’ want to see him but not now, not now that I am with Jaehwan and Woojin.

 

Jaehwan and Woojin both looked at me at the same time. I awkwardly waved my hand at him, “W-what are you d-doing here? The café’s still open though.”

 

I can see he smiled me, even if it was covered with the mask he usually puts on when he’s on public. “I came here to see you.”

 

Jaehwan raised his eyebrows at me while Woojin just leave his mouth hang open, “—Uh…” I scratched the back of my head.

 

“We’ll leave the two of you now.” Jaehwan said. He looked at me, “Hyung, we’ll talk tomorrow morning.” He reminded me before pulling Woojin by the hand, who doesn’t have any idea what’s going on.

 

I raised my eyebrows at him after the two had left, “Are you crazy? What are you doing here?”

 

“I told you I just want to see you—“

 

“—hyung,” I continued, “I am older than you, Daniel.”

 

He giggled before removing his mask, “I just want to see you, hyung.”

 

“Why?” I almost choke with my word.

 

“Do I really have to remind you the reason?” He smirked.

 

I can feel my cheeks burning and my heart throbbing. I looked away to hide my face to him.

 

“I’ve been hanging out here often, to think that I am not really a coffee person. Can you really not know the exact reason?” 

 

I gulped.

 

I looked around, pretending that I was looking for something else. I might look awkward but I’m really trying my best to avoid meeting his eyes.

 

“Don’t you think this is too fast?” I asked him after a few seconds of silence. We both know what I am talking about. We both feel it.

 

“Am I—going too fast?” He asked me straight in the eyes.

 

I shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t know. Maybe.”

 

“Just tell me if I’m bothering you, hyung. I will stop if you want me to.”

 

I shook my head, “No, it’s not that you’re bothering me or what. But you know—we’ve only meet three weeks ago, and now we’re already at this stage. You know, it kinda feels surreal, especially since—“ I stopped for a second. “—since you’re a celebrity.”

 

He eyed at me and sighed before he looked away, “That’s the real reason, isn’t it? That’s why you’re hesitant with this?”

 

He caught me off guard. I want to say something to him. I want to defend myself. But deep inside, I know he is right. I am terrified, I know. How can someone like me be liked by a Kang Daniel? For Pete’s sake, he’s the most famous Korean idol. 

 

Ever since he offered to be my friend that night, we’ve been hanging out almost every day despite of him having a hectic schedule. I don’t know how he sacrificed his rest time just for him to go at our café and order his favourite drink. It’s not that we’ve got enough time to hang out. 

 

We would chitchat while he pretends to look over the entire menu when we both know he would definitely order the same drink over again. The same thing goes when he waits for his order on the claiming counter, pretending he’s talking over the phone, when it was really me whom he was talking to. This may sound boring, but that’s it. Nothing special and now I’m thinking how the hell we resulted to this set-up.

 

Sometimes, when he was not able to come during my shift, he would wait outside the café and we would talk about how he spent his day, how busy he was, how crammed his schedule, how he practiced every routine of his dance, and even how he thought about me when he was at work.

 

I hate to admit this, but I am certain that this is not something normal that friends do. I keep thinking about this, these past few days, and I couldn’t come up with a reason to see this as something friends do.

 

“You know what hyung—I’ll just come back some other time,” He finally breaks the silence, “when you’re ready to talk about this, about us.”

 

He puts back his mask and walks away, leaving me dumbfounded with what he said. I laughed sarcastically to myself, because I knew I was ready to talk about it.

 

A week had passed after the last time he went to see me after my shift. My days had been pretty boring, if I am being honest. He was the one who makes my shift bearable but now he’s not going anymore.

 

“What happened that night?” Jaehwan approached me while I was busy arranging the cupcakes.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“That night, when that Daniel went to see you after your shift. Remember?” He asked and I hummed in response, “Why is he not coming here anymore?”

 

“Can you please stop putting the word “that” before his name? And to answer your question, he’s busy.” I know Jaehwan’s not buying the reason because he’s been staring at me for seconds, “What are you looking at?”

 

“Don’t tell me you dumped him, hyung?” He asked in surprise. I looked at him with wide eyes, “Oh my God, Sungwoon hyung. You really did?”

 

“What the hell. Of course no!” I freaked out.

 

Jaehwan raised his eyebrow and smirked, “So that means he’s really hitting on you?”

 

“Oh my God!” I screamed in frustration. I messed my hair and turn my back from him, “Okay fine. He’s hitting on me and I sort of dumped him that night that’s why he’s not going here anymore. Are you happy now, Kim Jaehwan?”

 

He started laughing afterwards and I regretted telling him everything. He was not yet done making fun of me when Woojin came rushing towards the counter.

 

“Hyung, I found this at one of the tables outside. I think someone left it there and it was addressed to you.” He said and hands me a signed album of Kang Daniel.

 

“Wow, that’s the latest album of Kang Daniel. It was only released yesterday but it’s already sold out.” Jaehwan remarked.

 

“You’ve got some amazing admirer, hyung!” Woojin smacked me by the shoulders. I reached out the album and found a note pasted on it.

> **To: Sungwoon hyung**
> 
> **I’ll see you tonight. I guess a week was enough for you to have some time to think. I’ll be there after my schedule. Please, spare me some of your time.**
> 
> **From: KD**

I hate how I couldn’t focus on my work the whole day and I all I keep on thinking about was him. The television placed on the middle of the cafe, caught my attention, when I heard Daniel’s name being announced. Today’s the first day of his promotions on music shows. It was already 6 in the evening when the live show started but almost 8 when he performed on stage. Of course, they would put him on last which they believed would earn more viewers’ ratings. His performance was beyond perfect, if I would say. The way his body moves along with the rhythm, the way his voice switches from raspy to sweet and even the way his eyes tell the story of his song. I am fuckin’ falling for him.

 

“Today’s winner is none other than—Kang Daniel!” The host announced, “Kang Daniel had to leave early for another schedule so he won’t be able to accept his trophy. But we’ll make sure it will reach him. Until next time, goodbye!”

 

9 in the evening would be the end of my shift. It’s already 8:30 and my blood is rushing all over my face as I feel the nervousness of seeing him again. I couldn’t help to think that he left early without receiving his first win for his comeback just to make it on time and reach the end of my shift.

 

“Hyung, aren’t you going home?” Woojin snapped in front of me. I immediately went back to consciousness. I glanced at the clock and saw it was already 2 minutes to 9.

 

“I’ll stay until 9:30. I need to fix something before I head home.” Woojin nodded before he returns to work. Jaehwan got student duties tonight, that’s why Woojin took his supposed to be overtime shift.

 

I look over the front door of the cafe and I flinched on my place when I saw him already standing against the wall. My feet went on its way, and I found myself already standing in front of him.

 

“C-congrats, for winning first place today,” I congratulated him.

 

He hummed in response, “How’s your day?”

 

“I-I’m fine, I guess.”

 

“Stop stuttering, hyung.” He said as he patted my shoulders and I suddenly felt my knees getting weaker. He’s right, why am I stuttering in the first place? “I’ll walk you home.”

 

I nodded. I lead the way while we are enveloped by the silence; it wasn’t awkward as it was before. This time it is more comfortable and pleasing. We crossed the road and a few more steps, we’re already in front of my apartment, “This is where I live.” 

 

He looked up to see the three-storey building in front of him. “I’m sorry but visitors are not allowed after 8. Is it okay if we stay here?” I asked then he nodded. We stayed like that for a few minutes before he broke the silence.

 

“Have you—think about it yet?” He asked. “I was never interested like this before. If you think this is going to fast, we could take it slow if you like. We’ll follow the pace you are most comfortable with.”

 

“Was it because I was a celebrity? Was it because there’s lot of girls obsessing over me?” He said in a serious tone but I can’t help myself so I giggled. Why would I care about his fan girls? 

 

“No, definitely has nothing to do with your fan girls.”

 

“Then what’s the reason?” He asked in confusion. 

 

“Can you—manage? A relationship and your career, at the same time?” I asked him in return.

 

“Definitely.” He replied in an instant. He didn’t even think twice and it makes my heart flutter. “Why would I take an effort to go here despite of my schedule if I’m not persistent to get you?”

 

“I am worried, Daniel. Your world being an idol is a lot more different from my normal world. Time would get in the way, you know that right?” 

 

He sighed, “Are you dumping me for the second time?”

 

I shook my head, “No.” I looked at him, “Do you want me to?”

 

“Is it a yes, then?” He asked in delight. Fuck, how can I resist this man? The blessing is already in front of me. Kang Daniel is pursuing me, for Pete’s sake. Who gave me the right to decline? But even before I get to say my answer, he enveloped me into a hug.

 

“I didn’t say anything yet?” I said while giggling. His smell is lingering on my nose, and it makes me want to bury myself on his chest. This is perfect.

 

“I take silence as a yes.” He answered before kissing the top of my head. I can feel the warmth of his body on mine. I never felt so safe and comfortable like this before.

 

He pulled out of the hug and stared at me for awhile. He smiled and stroked my hair carefully, as if I’m the most precious thing he had laid his eyes upon, “You over my career, I promise.” I smiled in return. 

 

Four weeks before, I got a celebrity friend. Guess I’ve got myself a celebrity boyfriend now? Way to go, Ha Sungwoon.


	3. first concert

SUNGWOON.

 

iii.

 

first concert.

 

_We both know we’re not in good terms, so even when you just finished your concert, you came in front of my house._

 

“What’s your inspiration while rehearsing for your first ever concert in South Korea?” The host said. It’s my off today, so now I’m currently resting on my apartment. It was a cloudy day, making me want to spend the rest of the day here.

 

I smiled when the camera focused on Daniel. He was indeed perfect, and words would not be capable in describing how he looks now. Can you even imagine this hot young man belongs to me now? Definitely not, because neither did I.

 

“Well, of course my fans are always my inspiration in everything that I will do. This probably sounds cliché but I’m nothing without them,” He giggles then he stares right into the screen, “But, I’m really working hard these past few days of rehearsal because there would be someone special who will be there to watch me perform live. You know who you are.” He said and broke into a laugh because of embarrassment.

 

The host must be shocked by his answers, though he didn’t clear out if he’s on a relationship. “Is the famous Kang Daniel already seeing someone?” She asked.

 

Daniel showed her his most genuine smile, the smile he always showed to everyone, “As if my fans would believe me even if I said no, right?”

 

The audience starts to scream inside the studio, even the host couldn’t help but react on his answer. I immediately grabbed the pillow beside me and squeal for a few seconds. We’ll be celebrating our three months of being together, but we haven’t talked about him confirming his relationship status.

 

“So, who’s the lucky girl?” The host asked after the reaction had died down. I slowly lose my grip on the pillow and stare blankly on the television screen. Of course, who the hell expected Daniel to be in a relationship with the same gender right?

 

Daniel stares at the camera, as if he was staring right at me. He then gave the host a smile, though it wasn’t as genuine as before, “It doesn’t matter who it is. What matters is that I’m the one who’s lucky between us and I’m happy with our relationship.”

 

I knew he said that to assure me and make me feel better. But it doesn’t cure the bitterness I feel inside me. I didn’t even bother to finish the program so I turn off the television before I lie down on the couch.

 

I knew from the very start the consequences I might face if ever I decided to date Daniel. This is probably one of the factors that worries me. How his fans would react if ever they knew he was dating a guy? Imagine the possible hate he could receive if that would happen, and I wouldn’t like that. I wouldn’t want to be the cause of disrupt in his career.

 

The program was live and I’ve been staring at the ceiling for minutes when I heard my phone ringing. Daniel knew I watched it live and now he’s calling me. I picked up the call after a few more rings, deciding whether I should pick it up or not.

 

“Hello?” 

 

“Hyung, where are you?” He immediately asks after I picked up.

 

I gulped, trying to clear my throat and not let him hear any possible break down, “I’m at the apartment. It’s my off today, remember?” 

 

“What took you so long to answer?” 

 

I looked around, thinking about alibis, “I was just—uh, cleaning the house. I never got the chance to fix things since I’m busy with my part-time job.”

 

I heard him sighed from the other line. It was noisy, I heard some of the staffs busy going around and doing stuff, while his manager gives him a preview of his upcoming schedules.

 

“It’s your guesting today right? How did it went?” I asked but I choked between my words and he apparently heard it when he excused himself from the staffs.

 

“Did you watched it?” He asked. I didn’t even bother to answer because I’m afraid I might choke in my words again and I might completely break down, “You watched it right?”

 

“I—just wanted to watch you live,” After answering, tiny sobs came out from my mouth until I found myself sobbing loudly as I hear him hushed me from the other side.

 

“Shh, hyung. Please don’t cry. Do you want me to come over?” He asked in a concerned tone.

 

I shook my head, as if he could see me. I tried to prevent myself from sobbing but I failed and now I looked like a mess, “No. I’m—”

 

“Hyung, tell me what’s bothering you? Is this about me hinting about my relationship status?” He asked, “Or is this about the host asking who was the lucky girl?”

 

“I don’t know why I am even acting like this in the first place. But it hits me right in the face, you know. It hits me right in the face that everyone else is expecting you to date a woman but here you are—dating me which is obviously a guy. I can’t help not to feel insecure knowing that they would never accept someone like me, knowing they would never accept me—for you.”

 

We both fell into silence after I said all the things that are haunting me. My loud sobs turns into quiet ones because I don’t want Daniel to feel that this all his fault, when it’s obviously out of his control.

 

“Do you trust me?” He broke the silence.

 

“Of course.”

 

“Now trust me when I said that I don’t care what other people might say about us. This is about us, they clearly don’t have the right to dictate what’s right and wrong. Trust me with this one, hyung.” He assured me, “I love you, hyung. And there’s none even a single day that I regretted choosing you.”

 

“I’m sorry, Daniel. I didn’t mean to make this such a big deal.” 

 

“It’s alright. Thank you for being honest with me. I’ll see you soon, hyung.” He said before he hangs up the call.

 

I know we’re not in good terms just by the way he hangs up the phone without hearing my response. I absentmindedly stares at the ceiling and sighs. Three months, and we’re already in this situation.

 

His concert would be in two days and now we’re like this. I feel bad knowing he might not be able to concentrate with his preparations because of me.

> **From: my Kang**
> 
> **I might not be able to reach you in the next two days because of rehearsals and last minute preparations for the concert. Guess I’ll just see you there.**

I am staring at his message from the other day. It’s his concert today and we had no chance to talk and clear out the misunderstandings between us. I am already at the venue, lining up first to enter the concert hall. Thousands of fans are here, screaming and shouting their love for Daniel. Though most of them are composed of fan girls, I could see fan boys but I could only count them in my fingers.

 

Lots of goods, slogans, stickers, photo cards and banners are sold and given within the vicinity of the venue. And being a proud fan and boyfriend, I bought cheap but cute slogans. I even join games to earn some freebies. This is his very first solo concert in South Korea and I couldn’t contain how proud I am for what he had become.

 

When they allowed the fans to go inside, I tried my best to be at the very front at least. Daniel offered to just give me the VIP ticket but I insisted to bought it myself. The show will start in a few minutes so I texted him.

> **To: my Kang**
> 
> **Good luck with your concert, Niel. Slay the stage, I know you’ll do great. I love you.**

Of course, he won’t be able to read it but I still hope he gets the message I wanted to say to him. I felt like I was not being the best boyfriend he could ever have. These past few days had been shitty for the both of us but I hope that this would not affect his special day today.

 

As what I had expected, he was more than perfect tonight. How can someone look so ethereal? I has been asking myself this for many times already as I watched him perform right in front of me. The way he moves, the way he does the routine, the way he sings the line, even the way he raps with his rough voice. But nothing would compare on how he stared at the me that night, how he looked at me as if I’m the only one who attended the concert. He stared right into my soul and somehow I felt that I was complete for the first time in my life. 

 

“Thank you all for coming to this special night in my career. This is my first ever solo concert and I am really happy I got to celebrate it with you. There are thousands of fans here but nothing would compare to the thousands of feelings I am feeling right now because of the love and support you continue to give me,” He said on his final ment. He looked at the fans with adoration in his eyes and I watched how his eyes sparkles as he roams around his attention to his supporters. But somehow his gaze stopped and we caught each other’s glances, all of the fans beside me were screaming but he was staring straight to me, “And of course, I would like to thank my special someone who came to my concert. Love, thank you for coming.”

 

All the fans went screaming for his name. I personally don’t know why they are screaming in the first place. Whether it’s because of how they support him with his love life or because they are opposed of him having a love life. 

 

All I know is that his gaze makes me feel so weak, makes it hard for me to breathe. How could he look at me like that? How could he make me feel as if I’m the only thing he could see, when there are thousands of fans waiting to be looked at by him? How could he love me, when I have nothing to prove? How could he even choose me over his career? 

 

And how could I ever let that happen?

 

There are many thoughts running in my head, but I choose to let it slip away and give hime the sweetest smile I could give. The concert was over. As I went out of the concert hall, some fans are still there waiting for Daniel. As much as I wanted to wait for him too, I know we got no time to talk. So I just decided to go home and leave the venue.

> **To: my Kang**
> 
> **You were amazing tonight, love. Rest well, I’ll see you tomorrow.**

After an hour, I still got no reply from him. Maybe he was still busy, so instead I clean up myself before going to sleep. I was scrolling through my feed while wearing a face mask when suddenly my phone rings and it displays Daniel’s name as the caller ID.

 

“Daniel?”

 

I heard cars beeping and loud noise from the crowd in the the background, “I couldn’t wait tomorrow. So I went now instead.”

 

“What? I have no work tonight, remember?”

 

“No, I’m in front of your house.” He said and I immediately stood up from lying in my bed.

 

“Wait up, I was just doing my night routine and you called,” I sighed in disbelief but I smiled secretly to myself, “I’ll just remove my face mask. Just wait there.”

 

“You know you didn’t need to that night routine of yours. You look amazing to me, always.” He said, “So hurry up and give me your warm hug.”

 

Right that very moment, I removed my face mask quickly and ran down of my apartment. I saw him there, standing with a long coat, mask and cap.

 

I let go of my thoughts and ran to his open arms. I could definitely feel the warmth of his body, and if I would be choosing, I’d definitely choose this over my bed.

 

I sniffed through his chest and his scent was lingering through my nose. He messed my hair and kissed the top of my head, “You look cute in your pajamas, hyung.”

 

I smacked his shoulders and rolled my eyes, “Why didn’t you text me on your way?”

 

“I was supposed to go to the dorm already, but I couldn’t wait anymore so—I’m here,” He smiled and wrapped me again into a hug, “Are we okay, hyung?”

 

I nodded and smiled, “Yes. We don’t have the reason to be not okay, right?”

 

He gave me his eyes smiles, which he had given me from the start that made me fall in love, “There might be reasons from time to time but promise me that we’ll not give it the reason to destroy us.”

 

I certainly know that this is just the first challenge in our relationship. Destiny would find its way to destroy us. There would be the time that we will definitely lose our hope in our relationship, but as long as we’re fighting together, all would be good, “As long as we make this work together, we would last longer than Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez.”

 

I know we’re okay because we both laughed wholeheartedly. Maybe we were not in good terms for days, but we still found our way to make it right. He closed the gap between us, his lips against my lips, and suddenly everything feels so right.


	4. first fight

DANIEL.

 

iv.

 

first fight.

 

_Fights make the relationship stronger but I felt like the fight we have the night in front of his house, made our relationship sink much deeper._

 

“Daniel, after the showcase, you still have several music shows you need to attend to plus the fansign events of your endorsements. Oh wait—did I already tell you about the shooting of variety shows that will start next week? And uh—you also need to shoot your reality program this weekend. Did I forget something? Wait, let me check,” My manager said while scrolling through his iPad. He has been repeating all my schedules for minutes, it makes me go insane knowing how busy I could get for the next few weeks, “Daniel, stop using your phone and listen to me.”

 

“I’m listening, hyung. I just need to reply to Sungwoon hyung.” I smiled at him before returning my focus on my phone.

 

Manager pulled the chair in front of me and sat on it. He stared at me for a while before shaking his head, “Having a boyfriend is not really a good idea for a public figure like you, Kang Daniel.”

 

I looked up to him in dismay as I put down my phone on my lap, “Did I hear you wrong, hyung?”

 

“C’mon, Daniel. You know how badly the company is against your relationship but they still let you anyway. Please don’t let that ruin your image as the Nation’s Boy.” He said before putting down his iPad in front of me, “Familiarize your schedule on your own because I won’t explain it to you anymore.”

 

He stood up and slammed the door as he left the room. I stared at it for a while before letting out a deep sigh. I picked up my phone and saw one unread message from Sungwoon hyung.

> **From: love, Sungwoon**
> 
> **Remember when you were jealous of Jaehwan because he’s like a puppy that always follows me around? You are so cute, back then.**

I was just thinking what I should reply when I received another message from Sungwoon hyung.

> **From: love, Sungwoon**
> 
> **Guess you’re busy again? Hit me up when you have time, love.**

“Daniel, have you seen the articles about you?” Manager called out my attention when I was having a make-up for my endorsements.

 

“I haven’t opened my SNS accounts, yet,” I said as I looked up to him through the mirror, “Should I be concerned about it?”

 

“Go on and check it by yourself. Maybe if you read the article, you’ll realize what you would lose if you continue to prioritize your relationship over your career.” He hissed before he leaves the waiting room.

 

I searched for my phone from my bag and quickly searched for that certain articles about me.

> **The Nation’s Boy Kang Daniel caught slacking, product owners having second thoughts of getting him as endorser.**
> 
> **After getting into a relationship, Top Artist of Korea Kang Daniel, loses interest on being an artist.**
> 
> **KDN Entertainment stocks drop due to Kang Daniel’s short idle from the industry.**

After I read the headline, I immediately locked my phone and shut my eyes off. So many thoughts running through my head, these articles made me question myself even more. Are my efforts still not enough?

 

My phone starts ringing after few minutes, Sungwoon hyung is calling. I sighed before reaching out the answer button.

 

“How’s your day?” Sungwoon said before I could say anything. I can feel my tears forming in my eyes as I heard his voice full of concern. 

 

I cleared my throat, trying not to choke with my words, “I-I’m fine, hyung. I am doing my make-up now for the cf filming. How about you? Have you enrolled already for your Masters?”

 

He hummed in response, “Yes, I’ll be starting my classes next week.” He answered. We got enveloped in silence before he breaks it, “How are you feeling today, love? You don’t have to hide it from me, if something’s bothering you.”

 

“I am fine, hyung. You—you don’t have to worry about me.” I assured him.

 

“What’s the use of hiding it from me, when I could easily found out about it?” He asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“I—“

 

“You don’t have to, if you don’t want. You can talk to me once you are ready, okay?” I automatically smiled to myself upon hearing him. I swear, this is one of the attributes that I love with Sungwoon hyung. He knows his limitations and he doesn’t push me to things that I don’t want to do.

 

“It’s about the articles posted this morning about me,” I started, “It’s just so…wrong for me. Seems like they are invalidating my efforts, making me look like a person who’s only after the money and fame but does no work.”

 

“Daniel, I know that no matter how you tried to not be affected by those articles, it will be hard for you. But you know the truth, we know what’s the truth, and as long as you know you are doing the right thing, you don’t have to worry about what other people might say.”

 

“But they mattered! Maybe not to you, but it matters to me!” I shouted, “You couldn’t just tell me what to do about it because I am living for other people’s satisfaction and opinions. Do you even know how this can destroy the career I’ve been building for years? Do you, hyung?”

 

I was running out of breath when I realized I had stormed out my anger to him. I was waiting for a reply a few seconds but all I received was a tiny, “I know,” from him.

 

We stayed like that for a while. I know I’m in the wrong, when Sungwoon hyung clearly wants to comfort me. But this whole issue is angering me up inside, and I don’t know how could I ever handle this.

 

“I’m sorry for invalidating your feelings. I—I need to go, now. I need to pay for my—“ He cleared his throat on the other side, “for my tuition. I just called to check on you. I’ll call you some other time.”

 

“Hyung—“ He ended the call abruptly, “I’m sorry,” I whispered to myself. I thought having him by my side would make everything easy going, but guess I just put him between my career and our relationship when I knew I’ll be needing to choose in the end.

 

My rehearsals for my comeback showcase were done a little early than the said schedule so I decided to visit Sungwoon hyung at his part time job today. Things were going rough this past few days for the both of us. He starts to get busy because he decided to pursue Masters for his studies, in the other hand, I am also busy for my comeback preparations and lots of cf and variety programs to be filmed. As much as possible, I’m doing my best to make up with the short idle I had last month. I’d be lying if I would be saying that I am not trying to prove anyone, but guess that’s what I really want.

 

“Yah~ the Kang Daniel is here,” Jaehwan remarked once I entered the café, I motioned him to keep quiet. Good thing, the background music was loud that nobody heard him or else, I’m doomed.

 

I nodded and patted him on his shoulders before roaming my eyes around the counter, “Where’s Sungwoon hyung?”

 

He looks behind him, “He’s there. Oh—wait, he was just here a while ago?” He said. Suddenly, Woojin came from the back door with a panicked face, “Hyung! Hyung! Where’s our tissue?” He asked while finding their stack of tissues.

 

“Yah! What’s wrong? What’s with the tissue?” Jaehwan said and approached to help him find their tissues.

 

Woojin looked up to him, and got surprised when he saw me standing in front of the counter, “Hyung!” He called me, “Good thing you’re here. Sungwoon hyung’s nose is bleeding nonstop.”

 

“What?” Jaehwan and I both said in unison. I quickly passed through the counter and walked towards the back door. I see him there, holding up his nose with his hands. Blood is running through his arms and has already stained his white uniform.

 

I get my handkerchief from my pocket and offered it to him. He accepted it and quickly covered his nose with it. “Hyung,” I called with concern, “What’s wrong?”

 

Jaehwan and Woojin came afterwards with packs of tissues in their hands. They used it to wipe away the blood from his arms.

 

“I don’t have any idea. I was just counting the money earned this morning, then Woojin noticed the blood dropping from my nose,” He explained. I looked at him with concern.

 

“That’s because you’re not having enough rest. You don’t even go home to sleep. You always settle on going here straight from your classes without even having a meal. Don’t you still have any idea why?” Jaehwan shook his head at him.

 

Woojin nodded and looked at me, “He’s not really listening to us, hyung. We are always reminding him to take care of himself but he’s so stubborn. We even requested him a day off from our manager but he neglected.”

 

Sungwoon hyung looked at them in disbelief. I switched my glance to him, “Why aren’t you telling me anything? You aren’t even updating me what’s going on about you. Are you just gonna continue to keep things to yourself?” 

 

Jaehwan and Woojin both realized they shouldn’t be there, so they excused themselves but before they could leave, Sungwoon shouted, “Why is this my fault again? Why am I the wrong one here?”

 

“Are you really asking me that, hyung?” I snickered, “You haven’t told me what’s going on about you! I don’t have any idea what’s happening. You’re making me look like a fool in front of your friends! Shouldn’t I be the first one to know about this? I am your boyfriend, for Pete’s sake!”

 

Sungwoon looked at me intensely. I thought I was just hallucinating when I saw a glimpse of sadness in his eyes.

 

“Do I even need to tell you why I am keeping this all to myself?” He wiped his tears and I panicked. I moved towards him but he pushed me away, “I saw every little effort you have been exerting for your career but you still think I haven’t understand anything. That’s why I am trying my best to not be a hindrance in everything you do. Do you know how badly I wanted to rant how stressful I was with my studies? But I always remembered how stressed you might be with all of your comeback preparations. Do you know how I wanted to complain about not having enough meal and sleep? But then I remembered how you aren’t able to have proper meal and sleep for weeks. I keep things to myself because I knew it was a lot harder for you, but you still put me in the wrong.”

 

“Hyung,” I tried to reach out for his arms but he’s quick to move away, “I am sorry for thinking that way. It’s just that, I want to know how’s your day too. You kept asking me how I was and I wanted the same but I couldn’t.” I bowed down my head.

 

“Because you’re busy, Niel-ah. That’s why I don’t want to worry you.” He stood up from sitting and looked at me with disappointment, “I couldn’t believe you didn’t trust me enough that it made you think of me that way.” He said before he walked away. 

 

Jaehwan and Woojin both looked at me dumbfounded by what just happened in front of them. I put my palm on my face and let out a heavy sigh. The back door suddenly opens and we all looked at it, “What’s going on here? Why is there nobody else in the counter? And where’s Sungwoon by the way?” Their manager asked.

 

“I’m sorry for the mess, hyung.” I said before I approached the door.

 

“What is Kang Daniel doing here? And wait—oh my God. Is this blood? Don’t freakin’ tell me you beat him up?” I heard him panicked before I completely leave the café. As much as I wanted to run after Sungwoon hyung, my manager just called me for an emergency meeting. My showcase would be in two weeks, and I couldn’t take it if ever this flops.

 

That time, I thought we won’t ever make up again. Things were going downhill, compared to our previous fights. I couldn’t hide the fact that this fight really damaged our relationship. It really worries me to the fact that I couldn’t even dance the proper routine, I couldn’t even sing my song live. This whole thing has been eating me up alive and I don’t how I was able to survive without him.

 

I was on my way to my dorm after rehearsals, when I saw him waiting outside, with his arms open wide. 

 

I teared up as I ran to him. He warmly smiles at me before I enveloped him to a tight hug. He was slowly caressing my back and my tears fall from my eyes. I felt sorry, knowing I’m at fault, but here he was, as if he was the one who should apologize.

 

I held onto his head, slightly pushing it into my chest while I stroke his hair. He keeps on hushing me when I continuously let out my sobs, “You’re such a cry baby!”

 

“Ah—hyung!” I complained. He released me from our hug and held my hands tightly. Nothing else makes sense anymore except for him. I stared at him for a little while, and shit strike faster than lightning, when I realized how much I would lose if ever I won’t make this work, “I apologize for the way I act that day. Everything piles up and it’s getting heavier each day, and even without my intentions, I had hurt you with my words and actions.”

 

For the past few weeks, my heart has been able to breathe properly as he smiles warmly at me. He caresses my hands with his thumb, because he knows I really love when he does that, “I’m at fault, too. For not trying to be more understanding as much as possible. Things were not easy for me as well, and I couldn’t help but to take it all on you.”

 

I hummed in response, “Though I’m busy, I still want you to update me. I want to know what’s happening to you too, alright?” I asked. He nodded and smiled at me again. God, how much would I pay to see that smile for the rest of my life? Ha Sungwoon really got me on his fingers this time, and I’m not even complaining, “Are we cool?”

 

“Yes, definitely.” He said and enveloped me again into a tight hug. 

 

Then again, we were fine. How I wished we can always stay like this for the rest of our lives? But that’s not what it always seem. Fights will always be a part of the relationship. 

 

And I still cursed that night. I wished I didn’t agreed on meeting him. I wished I just reasoned out that I should rehearse for my concert. I wished I didn’t looked at him in the eyes. I wished I didn’t get to see the hurt in his eyes. And I wished I could have held him longer. All of these I wished, but I still couldn’t.

 

“You’ll start your promotions next week, right?” He asked when we he was busy cooking dinner for the both of us. I hummed in response, “Hmm—maybe I should fix my schedule by then. I wouldn’t miss any of your music shows.”

 

“But the pre-recording is set on early morning. You would miss your classes, hyung,” I reminded him.

 

He looked back at me with a pout, “But I want to watch you perform!” He stomped his feet cutely.

 

“You can watch the tape once you go home. Plus, I can always perform it for you live.” I giggled.

 

I thought he was joking around when he texted me the first day of my promotions that he’s on his way to the studio. But he’s not, when I see him on the audience, waving my light stick and slogan as he cheered for me until the song ended. He mouthed “Good luck, love!” a multiple times, he almost screamed it out loud due to his excitement.

 

But instead of being thankful, I feel worried. Not only because he missed his morning class, but also because of one of the fans was checking him out. I mean, yeah, how could someone resist an ethereal beauty like him?

 

“What do you want for lunch?” Sungwoon hyung asked while he was on the phone call with me.

 

“I don’t think I could meet you, hyung. My fan signing event is moved today.” I pouted, even though he couldn’t see me.

 

“Is that so?” He said on the other line, “It must be bad. I guess you’re craving for some takoyaki, right?”

 

“Ah—hyung! Don’t remind me, please?” I complained but he just laughed at me, “I need to go now. We’ll start in a few moments.”

 

“Okay. Make sure to smile at your fans, alright? But don’t be too flirty, Daniel. I’ll be watching you!” He said before he hangs up the phone call. I shook my head because of his jealous ass, but I still find him cute when he’s territorial.

 

I could feel my hunger when I was done with the fan signing event which took place for 3 hours. I was about to call Manager hyung to get me some food when I saw Sungwoon hyung at the waiting area.

 

“Wow, I am just on time!” He said before he approached me and give me a tight hug, “I know you couldn’t take off takoyaki from your mind so I just brought you some!”

 

I gave him a shocked expression, “You’re the best, hyung. You’re really making me fall hard for you, huh?”

 

“Yes, because there’s a lot of fan girls lining up for you.” He pouted then I pinched his cheeks. Moments like this make my busy schedules more bearable, because I always have someone like him.

 

As soon as my break starts, my phone rings which is placed in front of the mirror of the practice room. I picked it up once I saw Sungwoon hyung is calling me.

 

“What?” I answered.

 

“Is there something wrong, love?” He said with full concern on his voice. I put my hands on my face in disappointment and sighed, “Why are you in such a bad mood?”

 

“I’m not in a bad mood.”

 

“Then why are you acting like that suddenly?” He asked.

 

I sat down and reached for the water bottle. I remembered how my choreographer insulted me for not getting the right routine in one try, saying things like I don’t deserve to be the Nation’s Boy, or something like I’m not even a good dancer, or worse like why did I debut in the first place when all I had was such poor skills? 

 

“Nah, I’m good.” I answered even when the truth is, it’s angering me up inside.

 

“Okay. Want to meet tonight after your rehearsals?” He asked, “I just finished my thesis today so I’m free. Oh, didn’t you tell me you wanted to try the new chicken place near my apartment? Let’s go there!”

 

“I’m not really in the mood to meet, hyung. Can we just meet up some other time? Just not today.”

 

“But why? We’re not seeing each other for weeks now. You’ve been busy with your rehearsals while I’m busy with my thesis, right?” He complained. I couldn’t explain how it adds up to the anger I am feeling.

 

“We’ll meet each other soon, anyways. Just hang out with your friends or something.” 

 

“I am hanging out with them almost everyday. Please, spare me a little of your time, love.” He pleaded on the other line.

 

I stood up in frustration and throw the bottle on the floor. “How many times do I have tell you that I don’t want to meet tonight? Can you please just understand and put aside your clingy ass?”

 

He didn’t answer, instead he just hang up the call. I sighed, before I resumed in practicing my routine.

 

2 weeks went by, my world tour will start in 1 month and we still haven’t talked to each other. It’s not my fault anyways so I just focused on my preparations for my tour. Maybe I just assured myself, when in reality I was wrong. But my ego is eating me up, my pride has been pulling me back, and I couldn’t be the one to apologize so I left all the things by itself.

> **From: love, Sungwoon**
> 
> **I’ll be having my finals next week. Can we meet up before you leave?**

I reread his text multiple times before deciding to ignore it. I’m still busy for the last minute changes on my tour so I couldn’t take some of my time to meet him.

> **From: love, Sungwoon**
> 
> **Are you still mad? Stop ignoring me, please.**
> 
> **From: love, Sungwoon**
> 
> **Daniel, please. Let’s meet up tonight, okay?**
> 
> **From: love, Sungwoon**
> 
> **Can’t you even reply to my texts? A simple yes or no would do.**

Various texts from him and a few missed calls which I choose to ignore. I know it wouldn’t be good for us to not fix this before I leave but sometimes you got fed up so much that you start getting tired of things anymore.

 

The next three days gone by with me ignoring his texts and calls. This is bad of me but I just couldn’t help it. I felt like our relationship starts to suffocate me now that we’ve been together for almost two years.

 

I feel like I’m not being myself anymore as I tried my best to be someone who deserves him. I felt like I’ve been living my whole life trying to seek for other’s approval, trying to have some affection from them, and maybe that’s what I’ve been lately. What if he would realize that having me as a boyfriend really doesn’t do him any good? That, who cares anyway if I’m a celebrity when I couldn’t even treat him properly?

 

My thoughts were interrupted when my phone rings. I picked it up, only to see Sungwoon hyung texting me after a whole 3 days of not contacting me.

> **From: love, Sungwoon**
> 
> **Let’s meet.**

I realized the possible lost if ever I won’t make this work. I saw him sitting on the bench facing his apartment, all in his pajamas. I approached him with a confused look.

 

“Why are you not all dressed up? Aren’t we gonna eat at the new chicken place?” I asked.

 

He looked up to me, “I’m not really in the mood for some chicken. Don’t worry, I cooked some food upstairs.” I nodded at him before we went up to his dorm.

 

He motions me to sit on the couch while he prepared the dinner on the dining table, “When will you start your tour again?” He asked.

 

“I’ll be living on Friday night.” I answered. I looked at his center table on the living room, full of books, notes and papers, “Are you reviewing for your finals?”

 

He hummed.

 

“Would I be any of disturbances?” I asked in concern.

 

He smiled before he motioned me to sit at the dining table. I sat across him, “Unless you won’t be a naughty puppy tonight, then you won’t.” He laughed, but somehow his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. But I tried to ignore it, wish I didn’t.

 

After having a dinner, we sat on the couch and watched a movie. I was lying on his lap, while he slowly strokes my hair with his hands. I was busy laughing, when I looked up to him. He was just blankly staring at the television.

 

“Isn’t it funny?” I asked him.

 

He flinched on his position and stopped stroking my hair, “Oh—yeah. It’s quite funny,” He said and laughed but I knew he’s not pleased.

 

It was already late when we finished the movie and I still need to wake up early for final rehearsals. I decided to call it a day, so he walked me down the apartment. I was holding his hands when he slowly pulls it away and faces me.

 

“When will you finish your world tour?” He suddenly asks.

 

“Maybe in two or three months, I guess?” I said.

 

He nodded. We stayed in silence for a few moments. “Guess you’re gonna ignore me once your busy again, huh?”

 

I looked at him in confusion, “What are you saying?”

 

He laughed. God, how I hate hearing that laugh? It makes me irritated knowing it is not his usual laugh, “Don’t you remember, ignoring me for weeks? Was it because you are busy? Or was it intentional? I don’t know anymore. All I know is you make me feel worthless.”

 

“Where is this coming from, hyung? Aren’t we cool?” I asked him.

 

“Are we cool? Feels like I should be the one asking you that, Daniel.”

 

I shook my head in disbelief. “Are we having a fight again? Aren’t you tired?”

 

“Yes, I am fuckin’ tired for being just an option in your life. Can’t you notice? Of course not, because you are always busy and you couldn’t find time for me, right?” He said sarcastically.

 

“You know how busy could I get but now you’re here complaining? Just wow, hyung. Look how you’ve changed!” I smirked.

 

“Changed?” He hissed at me, “For the first time, I speak my mind. I am telling you what’s bothering me and you think I’ve changed? Maybe you didn’t even pay attention to me on the first place. Maybe because you just didn’t know me.”

 

“Maybe you’re not that Sungwoon hyung I have in my mind!” I jerked back. “My schedule is jammed pack and I couldn’t just leave my job to give you time and your pettiness. Can ‘t you just be more understanding so we won’t fight over this anymore?” I stroked my hair in frustration.

 

“Understand more? Why am I the only one who needs to understand here? Am I the only one in this relationship? Did you even try to understand my situation when you hit on me? Do you think you’re the only one who’s busy? I am also busy with my studies but I still find time for you. I even skipped my classes to watch your music shows. I even bought you the food you’re craving for even when I need to attend to my group meetings that day. I often contact you even though I need to focus on myself too. I could give you my time, if you would ask. But you never did the same.” He breaks down, “That’s why it hurts.”

 

I smirked then shook my head, “Did I ever ask you to do that for me? Did I ever demanded, hyung? It’s your own choice. Not mine.”

 

“What?” He said in a low voice. His answer came almost like a whisper. I noticed how his voice suddenly turns into something else, and not the anger he’s been showing a little while.

 

I make my way to him and tries to reach out for his hands. He gently pushes me away and turns his head. I could hear him holding back his sobs and cover his mouth but he failed. I back hugged him and held his trembling hands with my cold hands. I tried to hush him but his cries get louder instead.

 

“I’ve had enough, Daniel. At first, I thought I could handle it. Being in a relationship with you makes me giddy and excited. But guess I was wrong, because all I ever received after entering this relationship were pain and heartbreak. I thought I could bear it because I love you. But I realized that loving someone doesn’t mean you could take all the pain they could cause you. Sometimes loving means you have to let it go, when the sadness overcomes the happiness.” He said before he slowly breaks from a hug and pulls himself away from me.

 

My eyes starts to tear us as I kept trying to reach out for him, “Hyung, no. I’m sorry, please. Let’s make this work out again. We could start over, if that’s what you wanted. Just please, don’t break up with me.”

 

“This is my choice, Daniel. I was happy that you promised to prioritize me over your career but I never expected, and I’m glad I didn’t. Because if ever I expected you to keep your promise, it would hurt me badly.” He said before he walks away. I just stood there. My tears start filling up my eyes as they roll down on my cheeks. I felt like my chest has been blocked because it was hard to breathe properly. I held onto the light post before I couldn’t help but to collapse. I looked up to see his room lit up for just a few seconds before it blacks out.


	5. first choice

v.

 

first choice.

 

_Sungwoon had wished to be Daniel’s first priority, but it would be selfish of him. Even though he hadn’t the courage to ask, Daniel made him as his first choice and pursued him once again, in front of his house._

 

“Do you already have your passport with you?” The Manager asked Daniel once they arrived at the airport. The fans knew he would be living the last country on his world tour and go back to South Korea. His fans starts screaming as he step out of the van.

 

“Yes, hyung.” He said before he wears his shades and walk straight to the entrance of the airport. 

 

“Why are you not waving at your fans nor even smile?” His Manager whispers at him. Cameras are all over the place. His fansites, the broadcasting networks, and even the smartphones of his fans are all capturing him at the same time, “Daniel, smile!”

 

Daniel couldn’t do anything but to smile. Though it was forced, he still manages to smile at his fans and wave at them. 

 

When they have arrived at their designated waiting area after checking in, Daniel tried his best to compose himself and to not break down in public. The younger could still remember vividly the night Sungwoon decided to break up with him. 

 

As much as he wanted to postpone the world tour, he knew the company wouldn’t let him unless he could give a reason. Even though he doesn’t want to, Daniel had to go through the concert and finish his world tour. Daniel gets his phone from his pocket when he had glanced at the back of his phone case. A photostrip of them together, all smiles and happiness could burst from it but somehow it couldn’t anymore. The smiles seem to be fake now. It doesn’t beam happiness anymore.

 

“How I wish I could see that smile again,” He said to himself. He stared at it for a little while, before he roams his eyes around the airport, searching for his Manager. “Maybe I could, if I would try.”

 

It’s been 3 months since he last saw the older. He knew the possibility that the older had moved on from him already, but he silently hopes he didn’t.

* * *

_  
Daniel woke up due to the continuous ring of his phone. He glanced towards the empty bottles of soju on his center table before the light of his phone caught his attention. He gets up immediately, which causes him to hold his head for aching. He reached for the phone and answered the call._

__

 

__

“Hello?”

__

 

__

“Is this Kang Daniel?” Daniel scrunches his forehead and glance at the caller ID. When he noticed it was unknown, he decided to end the call. After a few moments, the unknown caller calls him again. He answered it after a few more rings and welcomed by another, “Is this Kang Daniel?”

__

 

__

When he didn’t answered, Daniel heard from other line, “What are we gonna do with Sungwoon hyung?” A man spoke.

__

 

__

“Then just bring him home, hyung.” Another man spoke.

__

 

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“Noooooooo!!! B-bring D-daniel to me!!!!” Someone screamed which seems like Sungwoon’s voice.

__

 

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Daniel sat up straight and cleared his throat, “This is Kang Daniel. What do you need?”

__

 

__

“Kang Daniel? As in the Kang Daniel?” The man asked in amusement, “Uhm—Sungwoon hyung wants you to come over. He’s pretty drunk and he doesn’t want to go home unless he sees you.”

__

 

__

Daniel sighs and gets up to fix himself, “Tell me where you are. I’ll come pick him up.”

__

 

__

When Daniel arrived at the bar, Sungwoon noticed him immediately and runs to him. The younger flinched at his position and held Sungwoon by the waist before he loses his balance. The night gets deeper so he decided to take him home.

__

 

__

They walked together on the alley towards the apartment of the older. Sungwoon kept on humming a song while he plays with Daniel’s fingers. Daniel looked at him, Sungwoon smiled but somehow his eyes were teary. After walking for minutes, they arrived at the front of the apartment, “Can you manage to go upstairs by yourself?”

__

 

__

Sungwoon nodded. The older stared at their hands intertwined with each other. He smiled to himself, and laughed. Daniel could clearly smell the sting of the alcohol from his mouth, “Maybe…if we met each other under a different sky. Maybe things would be much better between you and I.”

__

 

__

It was Daniel’s turn to stroke the older’s fingers with his own thumb. Sungwoon smiled before he slowly unlocks their fingers. “If we meet again on the future, would you promise that we would try again?”

__

 

__

Daniel held his future on his hands, little did he knows, their future was also on his hands. It was not Sungwoon’s fault that he had given up on him. It was his. And despite of loving his career, which he had built for years, somehow losing Sungwoon was a lot worse than losing his career.

__

 

__

_Daniel didn’t answer and just looked at him in the eyes. “Maybe it’s not yet our time. But someday, I know we will be on our pace.” The older said before he turned his back and went on his apartment. Daniel waited until the older got safely on his unit and left once the lights went off in a few minutes.  
_

* * *

  


 

“It’s your summer vacation already?” Jaehwan asked when he saw Sungwoon on the counter of their café.

 

“Yes, I’ll be on my 2nd year of Masters next next month.” He said.

 

Jaehwan clapped his hands in amusement to his hyung, “While I’m stuck on my 3rd college, you’re already pursuing another degree. Unbelievable,” Jaehwan shook his head at him.

 

Sungwoon giggled, “Maybe if you would focus a lot more, you’ll be able to be on your 4th year of college already.” 

 

“The Nation’s Boy Kang Daniel finally arrives after his three-month long world tour.” The news caught Sungwoon’s attention while he counts the money earned of the day. Jaehwan looks over at him with concern all over his face. Sungwoon gives him an assuring smile before he returns his attention to counting money.

 

“The said Nation’s Boy returned immediately ahead of his scheduled flight to do some unfinished business. The source said that Kang Daniel was excited to finally see his love ones after spending three months without them. Especially his rumored girlfriend.” Sungwoon tried his best to focus on his work but instead he caught himself watching the news as it preview his world tour overseas, “Some sources believed that he would finally debut on US as a solo artist, but the company has yet to confirmed.”

 

_“Is that Kang Daniel?”_

_“Oh my god! That’s really him!”_

_“What is he doing here?”_

 

The girls inside the cafe started to scream. Sungwoon glanced at their television but instead of Kang Daniel on the screen, the news is about the upcoming awards show. Sungwoon scrunched his forehead in confusion.

 

“Can you take my order?” A tall man appeared in front of him. Sungwoon flinched on his position and quickly returned the money inside the counter. 

 

“What’s your order, sir?” Sungwoon looked up, only to see Daniel, whom he’s been missing for three months. He had his eyes widely opened as he stared at the younger a little while. As if he has a magic, he felt his eyes starting to get teary as he stare at the young man in front of him.

 

“Can I—” Daniel choked with his words, “Can I have you back, hyung?”

 

Without even stopping his tears, Sungwoon let it fall from his eyes. His hands were trembling real hard, even his chest was throbbing non-stop. “I-I’m sorry. I-I’m afraid we don’t have that on our menu, sir.”

 

Daniel stared at him for a while before he reached for the older’s hand. Sungwoon was sobbing real hard that catches the attention of the people inside the cafe. Daniel couldn’t take it anymore as he grabs the older by the hand and take him out of the cafe.

 

Sungwoon’s head lie low as he sobs continuously. Daniel opens up his arms where the older finds himself walking towards the younger. Sungwoon rests his head on Daniel’s chest as the younger strokes his hair. They stayed like that for a little a while, seizing the moment, before Daniel breaks the silence.

 

“I know I’ve been a jerk and you don’t deserve to be treated like that. I know it will be hard for you to forgive and trust me again. But can we at least try to make this work? You told me that if ever we would meet again, we would try. I know it’s just been a while and yhis might be selfish of me but I’ve been miserable since the night we broke up and I figured I should’ve not let you go.” Daniel stroked his hair again, making Sungwoon’s knees felt weaker than it used to be.

 

Sungwoon sniffs and wipes his tears from his cheeks. Sungwoon rests his hands on the younger’s chest while Daniel held him on his waist.

 

“This feels so right. You always feel like I’m coming home. You always make me safe and sound.” Sungwoon looks up to him, “And I miss the way I felt back home again.”

 

Sungwoon hugged him tightly as he let his tears fall from his eyes again, “Would you let yourself try it again with me?” Daniel courageously asked him.

 

Sungwoon would be lying to himself if he didn’t wish to get back together again with Daniel. Sometimes, we get back together with the ones we love, not because of the longingness, but on how the could bring back our broken pieces together, even when they are the reasons why we are broken in the first place. 

 

Some of you would think on how could Sungwoon forgive Daniel that easily, when the younger had broke him in many ways. But maybe, if you were on the same position, love will always prevail, even though it is the cause why you are broken. “I never knew I could feel so much pain, and yet be still in love with the person causing it.” Sungwoon muttered.

 

No answers were needed, for Daniel could feel it in the way Sungwoon stares at him. Daniel makes his way to kiss the older. Their lips meet halfway, as they kiss each other passionately. As if they hunger for each other for a really long time. As if they couldn’t live without each other. After they released from their kiss, Daniel smiled and kissed his forehead, “Guess you have a celebrity boyfriend, again?” He giggles.

 

Sungwoon smiled, “Guess who’s not regretting it again?” The two of them give each other the smile they’ve been longing to see for three months.

 

“You over my career, final and always.”

> **Kang Daniel Introduced His Long-Time Boyfriend.**
> 
> **Kang Daniel and His Non-Showbiz Boyfriend Revealed To Be Dating For Almost 3 Years.**
> 
> **The Nation’s Boy Kang Daniel To Take An Indefinite Idle From the Industry.**

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU LITTLE CLOUDS!


End file.
